The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i think i just lost a toe
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
