you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
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You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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