I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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