i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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