Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
