Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
