Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
