Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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