I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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