Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
