I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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