At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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