Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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