So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
