Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
