Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
