I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
