youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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