dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Congratulations! We have a period
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