I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
