You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well I just put wine in my tea
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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