They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
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Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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