Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
