I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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