if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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