She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
