you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
