Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
