I feel like abortions should bother me more
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you had me at cake vodka
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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