I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
