Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
