she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
