That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷ðŸ»â€â™€ï¸
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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