i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
