and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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