Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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