There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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