i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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