Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
