there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
