im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
