I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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