I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
