Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
