reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
