you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
