Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
