um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize