Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
