Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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