I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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