shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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