just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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