Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
