i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
