to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
you never un-have a 4some
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