I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
