this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
