You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Let's paint friendship bongs
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
