Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
