well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
