Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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