nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
