(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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