You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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