so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
