My cat gives me a boner
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
