smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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