Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
