I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize