we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
