hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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