Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
