it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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