Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i barfeds in our rink
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
do nipples grow back?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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