Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
