The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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