I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
