Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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