at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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