no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
