Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
