WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
