He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
