If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
