i just wanna soil my oats bro
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
