I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
